Dr J's Sex Facts

Fun sex facts and accurate information from a clinical sexologist for a hotter and more fulfilling sex life.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Out with the Old, In with the New!

“The future always arrives too fast—and in the wrong order.”
Alvin Toffler

Congratulations everyone! You made it through another year! Some of you breezed through (I got a new job/car/lover/cdog). For others, it was a struggle (my rent went up; my cats turned against me; I lost a toe surfing). But for most of us, it was some of each (my boyfriend left me, but then this totally cool guy moved in down the hall!). Let’s face it: right about now most of us can use a small jolt of self-analysis. The start of a new year is a great time to reflect on what’s transpired, as well as look forward and think about making any changes. It can be like reading a book about yourself (and you’re the hero!), remembering all the fun you had (that time we kissed in the car and wound up late to dinner) as well as the missteps (my parents were so mad at us because the restaurant wouldn’t hold the table).

New Year’s resolutions get short shrift these days (can anyone tell me if shrift is a metric measurement?). Many claim resolutions aren’t effective because we forget about them right after the holidays. Actually, many people find resolutions helpful in deciding what is/isn’t working, and in organizing our thoughts into a coherent pattern so we can identify those things about ourselves we’d like to change. It’s beneficial to have some sort of framework, and that’s where New Year’s resolutions come in handy. If making a list of resolutions works for you, great; if not, see you next week in 2012.

Some of us are given to self-reflection, while the more action-oriented among us just want to get on with it. Maybe you don’t want to look back: (2011? Ugly, stupid year!), and if that’s the case, just fast-forward to next week’s post. My best wishes to all of you for a happy and healthy New Year full of love and joy. And very special wishes and hugs to loyal readers Martha, Ivy, Julie and #9.

With Pleasure. Dr. J

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful

But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

“Let It Snow,” Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne

So here I sit: My skis are waxed, I’m ready to hit the slopes, and guess what? Rough skiing – no snow. Well, not yet anyway. It’s supposed to start snowing next week (and that helps me how?). And here I was all set to relieve the snow monkey on my back this week. Here in California, if you head up to Tahoe on a weekend, you’re just asking to sit in traffic and wait in lift lines. No thanks, Frosty. I’ll wait until some Wednesday in mid-January, when I can avoid those nasty crowds.

In the meantime, most of us are mired in the annual holiday marathon, dashing madly from one holiday obligation to another while trying frantically to find the perfect gift for that special someone we’ll call your “Light of My Life” (LML).

How about treating both yourself and your LML this year by giving the gift of “HAPPY”? HAPPY is just the thing for any relationship—and it’s the gift that keeps on giving. HAPPY stands for: Humor, Acceptance, Patience, Pleasure and Yes.


It’s true, it’s true: Wit and high spirits really do help get you through the toughest, most stressful times. It’s just not that big a deal when he leaves the toilet seat up, is it? So make a joke, and move on.

You: Damn! That stupid Bathroom Fairy didn't show up overnight to clean up the sink again!
LML: Oh. Did I leave a glob of toothpaste in the sink? Sorry.

LML: How’s the clam chowder I made?
You: Mmmm. Clammy! Salty, too!
LML: Salty? Did I put in too much salt?
You: Come here, and we’ll cut the salt with a little wine lapped up from your navel.


Some things are just NOT going to change—and it really helps when you realize that you can’t force them.

He’s never going to look like an Adonis; but he sure feels good next to you in the morning—especially with that festive holiday wood (A Yule log for me? You shouldn’t have! Well, I did tell Santa I’ve been really good this year. Can I unwrap it now? Oh please, oh please, oh please!).

She’s put on a few pounds since you met; but be honest, there’s something about those curves that make her look even more attractive. Face it, everybody thinks their LML looks great in lingerie—and even better taking it off!


You have to get to that party, but he’s called to say he’s running late.

You: We both agreed we’d go to this office party.
LML: I know; I’m stuck at my sister’s. Do we really have to go?
You: I don’t know; it’s YOUR office party.
LML: You’re right. I’ll be right over.
You: OK. Get here early, and I might let you muss me up before we go. . .


LML is out there, stressed about finding YOU the perfect gift as well. So how about a little pleasure to ease that stress? Perhaps a nice long massage with a fur mitt? Or feathery kisses all over? Or…?


Here’s an innovative way to get into the holiday spirit: Pick a person in your life, and just say “yes” to anything they ask you—for an entire day. Be brave. You may be surprised at where saying “yes” leads.

Wrap It up in a Nice Box with a Pretty Pink Ribbon

Love really does last longer when you stir in a generous helping of good will. So when that holiday stress starts getting to you (and it will), remember HAPPY: Humor, Acceptance, Patience, Pleasure, and saying Yes. Your partner will love you all the more for it, and I guarantee you’ll have a truly HAPPY Holiday.

Yes, With Pleasure,

Dr. J