Dr J's Sex Facts

Fun sex facts and accurate information from a clinical sexologist for a hotter and more fulfilling sex life.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Ma, Can I Be a Feminist and Still Like Men?

“Stand by your man, and show the world you love him
Keep givin’ all the love you can
Stand by your man”

Tammy Wynette

By now we’ve all heard about the latest “sex scandal” in which the governor of a large eastern state has allegedly spent thousands of dollars on sex-for-pay. There he stood, for all to see in the 21st century version of the old stock and pillory, his wife stoically beside him, as he made a very public apology for his behavior (let’s pause here a moment and consider this very timely question: Just what was he apologizing for, and why should his private life be any of our business?).

His wife is a high-powered attorney, so we can assume she’s an educated, intelligent woman. Yet there she was, standing next to him, with her eyes downcast, very obviously in pain.

Some pundits are asking: If feminism has brought women equality, why do some continue to stand by their man and allow themselves to be publicly humiliated? In other words, if you’re a feminist, it’s presumed that you’d never put up with that kind of behavior from your partner? Ha! (What world do these pundits live in, anyway? Is it the one with fairies and unicorns?)

That Poor Woman!

In the real world, relationships don’t come in a convenient “one-size-fits-all” package. For all we know, the couple in question might have an “arrangement” (like many other couples) in which she may very well have her own boy toy (or girl toy), or she’s fine with him paying for sex as long as it’s not a relationship with personal attachments. Gasp! Do people really do that? Yes, people do! And it’s more common than you think—but it’s not the kind of information people usually share about themselves.

So, before we go any further, let’s take a moment to remember that being an empowered and self-actualized person doesn’t preclude:

a) looking the other way,
b) letting someone else dictate the terms of the relationship,
c) not caring what your partner does as long as the relationship is solid.

The Things We Do for Love

You get the picture. There are probably HUNDREDS of reasons why someone would put themselves in that position—and I, for one, think none of them are any of our concern. Not that I’m suggesting that the woman in question is any of the above—merely that we’re all just trying to do the best we can, and maybe not as wisely as possible when love rears its seductive little head.

Next week in Part 2 of this post, we’ll look at the phenomenon of power as an aphrodisiac—and absolute power as the ultimate turn-on. In the meantime, feel free to write in with your own comments and join the dialog already in progress.

With Pleasure,

Dr. J.

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