Dr J's Sex Facts

Fun sex facts and accurate information from a clinical sexologist for a hotter and more fulfilling sex life.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Look What’s on the Menu!: Giving Oral Sex to a Woman

“One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.”
Jane Austen

**Happy Anniversary, Ginny and Jim!**

Loving a woman means allowing yourself to be overcome by the desire to kiss and lick that magical mysterious spot—no, south of there: her crotch. I’ve spoken to many men and women who say there’s nowhere they’d rather be than between their woman’s thighs. Others do it to please their partner; and yet as surprising as it may seem, there are even others who would rather lick a live eel. (I hear eel is an acquired taste.)

In previous posts, we’ve covered some general aspects of oral sex; now it’s time to delve into that deep dark mystery: just what does she like?

Believe it or not, some women don’t even want to experiment with receiving oral sex, because of those old messages about it being dirty “down there,” etc. If your partner suffers from this attitude, this is your chance to step up and be the great therapist. Help her get comfortable with how beautiful and desirable that part of her body is for you. Step 1: consider having her read all the postings in this blog, starting at the beginning. Step 2: when the two of you are ready, you can begin the journey together that leads to finding out what drives her wild—the kind of wild that leaves scratch marks on your back.

Sadly, many people get their ideas about oral sex techniques from watching commercial erotica, so there’s nobody there to tell them that the reason the women are holding their legs that far apart is so they don’t block the camera. While this may make for better cinematography, it isn’t necessarily pleasurable—especially if she has to hold that position for long periods of time. (Oooh, baby!)

Here are some things you can do while giving oral sex to a woman; but please, before you actually try them, make sure she’s willing. And when you get promoted to Oral Sex Guru, she might just let you have your way with her and try anything else you’d like.

· Don’t immediately dive straight for her clitoris; go slowly and gently lick the rest of her vulva; in fact, gently lick everything BUT her clitoris
· When she’s warmed up, give her a lick all the way up from her vagina to the tippy-top of her clitoris
· With the tip of your tongue, make a few slow circles around her clitoris
· Slowly stroke each of her inner lips
· Carefully separate each part of her crotch with your tongue
· Lightly (and lightly means lightly) nip the tip (glans) of her clitoris
· Slowly put a well-lubricated finger into her vagina—or her anus
· Once she’s very turned on, insert a finger about an inch into her vagina and stroke the top wall (this is the “G Spot,” and is extremely sensitive in some women – but it’s not always easy to find)
· Get creative with your tongue; don’t be shy about using the tip, the flat part and even the edge – get interactive and find out what it takes to push her particular button/s

Did she get the kind of grin on her face that can’t be pried off, even with a crowbar? Did she turn into a helpless mass of quivering jelly? Did she offer to sign the title to her Jaguar over to you? If so, you can be sure she liked what you were doing. Now you’ll never get rid of her! :) In some cultures, a partner who gives great head is worth his/her weight in gold.

While it’s true that oral sex is statistically the second most effective way for most women to orgasm, don’t put pressure on yourself and your partner that she must orgasm during oral sex. Some women may just want to use oral sex to get very turned on before moving on to other activities, while others might feel self-conscious and unable to relax enough to orgasm. Some may only finally be able to orgasm after, oh, say, about 30 minutes or so. Think your jaw can hold up for that long? Aren’t you glad you don’t have to worry about getting in a position so the camera can get a better shot?


The last thing a woman wants on her thighs is beard burn, so if you have facial hair, either grow a full beard or make sure you’re clean-shaven if you think you’re going to get lucky and have oral sex. And women, the same goes for you. Long hair gets tangled in the teeth, and spiky hair that’s beginning to grow out from that recent wax/shave, makes for a very rough tongue trip for your marvelous munching mister/sister!!

To kiss or not to kiss: Some women definitely do not want to be kissed after their lover has gone down on them. This is why Altoids and Kleenex were invented. Other women find their own taste on their lover highly erotic. As always, it’s up to you to find out about her preferences.


Are you one of those women who sweats garlic for hours after eating at your favorite Italian restaurant? For many of us, our body flavors are influenced by diet. If this is true for you and you’re hoping to receive oral sex, you might want to cool it on those intensely flavored condiments (onions, garlic, etc.) for a few hours before approaching your object of desire. In addition, any drastic change in vitamins can also alter the smell and taste of your vaginal secretions.

Once you’ve mutually agreed upon some techniques and you’ve learned how to send her out of this world, you might want to try even more experimentation. I’m sure you can come up with some creative—and daring—innovations. Have fun and play safe!

As always, I welcome your comments and questions. We’d all love to hear about your special oral sex techniques, likes and dislikes. The doctor is definitely in.

Next week: Dr. J’s Declaration of Sexual Independence!

With Pleasure,

Dr. J


  • At 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    How long does it usually take to get a man off from having oral sex with him.. is there some men who just can't get off to it?

  • At 2:34 PM, Blogger Dr J said…

    Great questions! Men are as varied as women in orgasmic response--from oral sex or any kind of stimulation. Some men get off quickly, while others take much longer--and everywhere in between. A slow or fast response does not mean there's something wrong. And, yes, some men don't get enough stimulation from oral sex, so they don't orgasm--again, just like women. It's important to remember that we're all different. If a man is getting oral sex and isn't orgasming, that doesn't mean he's not enjoying it. It might just mean he's not getting enough stimulation for orgasm. And why does orgasm have to be the ultimate goal? If you relax and enjoy the feelings and don't put that orgasm "have-to" on either yourself or your partner, you'll have a much deeper enjoyment of sex.


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