Dr J's Sex Facts

Fun sex facts and accurate information from a clinical sexologist for a hotter and more fulfilling sex life.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Go to the Head of the Class: Giving Oral Sex to a Man

“Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry,
Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie”

William Shakespeare



Guys, it’s your turn. Time for everyone’s favorite subject: how to go down on a man (and drive him wild). In a previous post, I covered some general aspects of oral sex; now it’s time to go deeper :}

Here’s a story which may or may not be true:

Everyone remembers the words of the first astronaut on the moon: “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” However, just before he stepped out onto the moon’s surface, he said: “Good luck, Mr. Rubinski.” Years later, he explained: “One summer when I was a kid, my friend and I were throwing a baseball outside, and as I ran to retrieve it under our neighbors’ bedroom window, I heard Mrs. Rubinski say: ‘Oral sex?! You want oral sex?! You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!’”

This story illustrates that for previous generations, oral sex was both forbidden and exotic. Believe it or not, most men were happy just to have the opportunity to experience it—even once.

Fast-forward to the 21st century. Let’s deal with the myth that all guys love oral sex so much they don’t give a lick how you do it, just that you do it. Have you ever heard a man say, “Who cares about technique? Baby, just the idea of you doing it is enough to turn me on.” Despite what you may have heard, most men do have very definite likes and dislikes when it comes to receiving oral sex.

Most people think that going down on a man isn’t quite as complicated as going down on a woman, since his penis is right there, in your face (as it were). As in all aspects of sex, there is no one-size-fits-all technique. In other words, having his penis sucked on as though it were a popsicle may or may not be what drives your particular guy (or guys) crazy.

Here are some things you can do when giving oral sex to a man; but please, before trying them, check in with him about his preferences or whether he’s willing to be experimental and let you just go ahead and have your way with him.

· Caress his penis with one or both hands, with your breasts, or with any other parts of your body
· Lick his entire penis like an ice cream cone
· Lick the underside of his penis from the base to the tip
· Run your tongue under his coronal ridge (the bottom ridge of the helmet)
· Lick, caress or even tickle his testicles
· Use both hands while using your mouth (this will also help you control the depth of penetration)
· Pinch, twist or stroke his nipples
· Caress his anus—if he’s willing, try inserting a well-lubricated finger inside

Remember to keep a bit of saliva in your mouth while you’re giving oral sex. You don’t need a lot, and this will help supply a natural lubricant.


Most of us don’t want to end up crying during oral sex (unless of course that’s what some of you are into)! Seriously, if you have a well-developed gag reflex, you’ll want to control how deeply his penis penetrates into your mouth. This can be surprisingly easy—and fun! By holding his shaft in your hand/s, you can not only provide him with some extra stimulation, but also control how deep he goes. Put your moist mouth around the head of his penis, or if you like, take him a little deeper. As you do this, stroke him with your hands up and down the length of his shaft. Let him tell you how fast or slow you should go, and I guarantee your partner will enjoy it! You might also try humming; he might like that too.

To Swallow or …

So many myths, so little time. No, swallowing his semen won’t make you fat (the amount of calories per ejaculation is negligible). No, semen doesn’t have any magical qualities that will clear up your skin if you rub it on your face (teenage boys like to claim this is true—and how many teenage boy dermatologists have you ever met?). And although there’s no risk of pregnancy during oral exposure to semen, it is true that it may contain pathogens that carry diseases, etc.

Here are two things you’ll want to negotiate with your male partner: 1) whether you’re OK with him coming in your mouth (he’s not a mind reader); and 2) if you do let him come in your mouth, he should know that it’s still your decision about whether you wish to swallow it. If you don’t want your partner to come in your mouth, be sure to tell him before you begin. If you’re OK with going there but don’t want to swallow, simply turn your head while you delicately and discreetly spit into a tissue (which you conveniently placed nearby—clever you). Do not be rude, do not loudly spit and whatever you do, do not say, “eww, yuck!” This is considered insulting.

Tasty or Tasteless?

Guys: Are you one of those people who sweats garlic for hours after eating that Mega Special Pizza? For many of us, our body flavors are influenced by our diet. If this is true for you and you’re hoping to receive oral sex, you might want to cool it on those intensely flavored condiments (onions, garlic, etc.) for a few hours before approaching your object of desire.

For both of you: Once you’ve mutually agreed upon some techniques that send him on that trip to the moon, you might want to try even more experimentation. I’m sure you can come up with some creative—even daring—innovations. Have fun and play safe!

Next week: Giving Oral Sex to a Woman

With Pleasure,

Dr. J


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