A Weekend Quickie

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures.”
Voltaire

Here’s something to ponder over the long holiday weekend.

What are your conditions for good sex? You know: the deal-breakers.

Many of us get caught up in being sexual, in the heat of the moment—without really thinking anything through—so it’s less about what WE might like to do and more about what our partner wants. From the moment we wake up to our sexuality, we’re careening up (or down) the pleasure highway with nary a thought to what’s propelling us onward—whether we’re taking a long drive, a short drive, or if we’re even going in the right direction, etc. But ARE we really getting everything we want? Sometimes it’s helpful to pull into a conveniently situated rest stop, turn on the overhead light and take stock of our sex life. Can you identify the optimum travel conditions for mediocre sex, for good sex—dare I say for great sex? Are these choices even marked on your map? Are those hash marks a railroad crossing? And what the heck is that squiggly blue line supposed to be? Do you even know what the signs mean that get you where you want to go? Would you recognize them if they hit you in the face, or was that just the fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror?

OK, enough with the driving metaphors. Here are some of the things people have shared with me over the years about what they’ve needed for optimal enjoyment. Only the names have been changed to protect their privacy.

Angela needs a strong emotional commitment, because she’s worth it.
Ben needs someone who’s slightly mysterious; because once he gets too familiar with them, the eroticism just disappears.
Chris needs a strong woman who’ll take charge and ride him cowgirl-style like a rodeo champ.
Dee needs a hairless body to fantasize about what it was like with her first real lover.
Elaine needs a big, strong, masculine, hairy bear of a man. Grrr!
Flora needs a man she can call “poppi” and mean it.
Graham needs a sweet young thing who thinks he’s smart and can’t tell if he isn’t.
Hannah needs a strong, powerful man with arms like a lumberjack.
Jesse needs someone who doesn’t take sex too seriously, someone to have lots of “giggly” fun with.
Kim needs lots and lots and lots of touching. Everywhere!
Marissa need lots of kisses. Deep, wet, long kisses. The kind of kisses that take her breath away.
Nico needs someone to talk dirty with, bitch!
Oscar needs someone to slap him around, because Oscar’s been a very bad boy.
Pillar desperately needs to be tickled.
Quentin needs to be spanked in the worst way. Seriously, is there any OTHER way?
Annie needs it fast and hard!
Jodie wants it slooooow and sensual.
Randy needs to be held, especially afterwards.

Get the idea? Just WHAT is it that totally does it for you? And are you currently getting a heaping helping from that particular menu option? If you’re not, take a good look at what it is, precisely, that’s going on.

The lifeguard’s on duty at the pool, the Mai Tais are chillin’, the barbecue is grillin’, and the doctor’s cruise control is dialed aaaaaall the way to entertainment mode until next week, when we’ll continue our erotic journey.

With Pleasure,
Dr. J