Dr J's Sex Facts

Fun sex facts and accurate information from a clinical sexologist for a hotter and more fulfilling sex life.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

"Thinking off": Sexual Fantasies

“I like nonsense -- it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope... and that enables you to laugh at all of life's realities.” Dr. Seuss

Your brain is your most important erotic zone because it controls everything. Most of us have discovered that no matter how hard we try, if our head isn’t into it, our body won’t respond. The brain is so powerful that some women report they can “think off” to an orgasm without any touch.

For many people, sexual fantasies play an important role in sexual motivation and help define our erotic personality. A sexual fantasy provides you with a “map of desire” that gives your imagination a starting point.

Sexual fantasies also provide an important escape valve, allowing us to keep our public behavior within acceptable social limits, while allowing us to express our desires and psychologically engage in behaviors we may not actually want to do. They also provide us a chance to explore a different side of ourselves. Maybe you're a powerful person with many responsibilities. You might enjoy letting go of all that power in a fantasy and exploring the more passive or submissive side of yourself. Conversely, you might be a very quiet type; but in your fantasies, you can explore being the strong superhero, rescuing (and then ravishing) some damsel in distress!

Recognizing the power of fantasy, some groups have attempted to control our thoughts by teaching us that just thinking about something is the same as doing it. This is not just erroneous, but can suppress creativity and create discomfort with our sexual thoughts.

In fact, there are two kinds of sexual fantasies: rehearsal fantasies, in which we “audition” a new sexual behavior, person or situation; and impossible fantasies, those which are either physically impossible (e.g., someone with two penises) or emotionally impossible (something you definitely would never want to actually do). Impossible fantasies can create discomfort, because sometimes we’re not sure what they represent. To fantasize something doesn’t necessarily mean you want to actually do it. You might want to keep some fantasies special and private, while others you might want to share with a partner.

Some people don't even recognize their idle musings as fantasies. In fact, fantasies range from that brief thought about someone you see on a bus, to those long, involved scenes complete with dialogue and costumes. And anything in between.

Generally, the hottest fantasies are the ones that are most forbidden. For instance, a common heterosexual fantasy is experimenting with someone of the same sex. We might never want to actually try this, but in fantasy we can give ourselves permission to step outside the boundaries of our everyday lives and explore.

Next week, we’ll be exploring self-pleasuring, which, dare I say it, goes “hand-in-hand” with fantasy.

As always, the doctor is in for your questions and comments.

With Pleasure,

Dr. J


  • At 11:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My sexual thoughts used to make me a little uncomfortable, but that was before I realized they were perfectly fine just the way they were. Dr. J, you're great, and I can't wait to read more about this "Thinking Off" business.

    Mot Juste

  • At 11:38 AM, Blogger Dr J said…

    Dear Mot Juste: Thanks for the comment. I know many people are uncomfortable with their sexual thoughts, and I hope this information helps to put this issue into perspective. Lighten up, people and enjoy your creativity! Dr. J

  • At 9:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yeah my girl can do that. In fact she is not very familiar with her own bits, since she doesn't touch them when she is masturbating.

    The other day we were making love and I told her I wanted her to come for me. Her approach was to not be touched at all so that she could go into her own head and think off.

  • At 5:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I thought that someone had a special witch craft devise,because I do not think on sexual anything it just occurs from legs up to top of brain...I could be working on computer multitasking or driving on park way at 65mph....once that sensation,which is a signal that it is about to happen....they go off the charts....I though maybe a brain tumor...been searching on computer this is first time I discovered it is normal or is it...I go pray, repent, cause I really don't know...still?

  • At 2:54 PM, Blogger Dr J said…

    Hello. Your comment is difficult to understand, so forgive me if I guess wrong. I THINK you're saying that you just need some reassurance that thinking about sex is not harmful, right? As I said in the above post, most people have sexual fantasies and feelings and are not harmed by them. When it comes to sex, there's no such thing as "normal." Remember that everyone is different. Sexual fantasies, thoughts and feelings are part of each person's unique sexuality, to be celebrated, not feared. Dr. J

  • At 7:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    how exactly does someone think off? im interested in tryi g this.

  • At 9:03 PM, Anonymous Mary Hardy said…

    Hi!..my name is Mary Hardy, from Louisville, KY. I saw for the first time-today-how I could 'possibly' learn how to 'get off' without touch?? Is this real? How do I get instructions-on actually doing the 'procedure'?..LOL..Thank-you for listening!!


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